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For the episode, see Viewing Party.
See also: Full transcript on transcripts.foreverdreaming.org
Andy: Why does Erin like Gabe?
Darryl: Andy, look, all I know is that if I was a girl, and I had to choose between a tall dude who loved Asia, and the you looking dude who loves sweaters and wearing sweaters...I'd choose you.
Andy: That's really nice. Thank you.
Darryl: And I'd blow your mind.

Michael: If you break that girl's heart, I will kill you. It's just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl's heart, I will literally kill you and your entire family.

Erin: I don't know if Michael likes Gabe that much, but theres this thing on Glee called a mashup where you take two things that don't go together and they make a great song, take Gabe, take Michael, you get "Gaymike".

Angela: Are you going [to the party]?
Dwight: Not because I want to, of all feelings to base a show around, Glee? Thirst, now there's a show I'd watch.
Angela: I would watch that.

Jim: Hey.
Pam: It's a miracle. She loves him.
Jim: I don't know about "love."
Dwight: She loves me.
Angela: Outside. My car. Two minutes.
Dwight: All right. Something's come up. I gotta go.
Pam: No, no, no, she'll wake up.
Dwight: No, I have something to do.
Pam: I know what you have to do. Please stay with Cece. Dwight, I've always considered us to be very good friends. Great friends. Remember your concussion?
Dwight: I do, but you married my worst enemy.
Pam: I know.
Jim: Well, I think enemy's a strong word, 'cause I think we have a really charming back-and-forth...
Dwight: Enough. I will require beer and pizza to think this over.
Pam: Absolutely.
Dwight: From Jim.
Jim: Well, I don't think that's...
Pam: Do it.
Jim: What kind of pizza would you like?
Dwight: Surprise me. No. Pepperoni.

Dwight: Mmm-mmm. Insert it in my mouth.
Jim: Okay, that's not gonna make your pizza eating experience any better, trust me. 
Dwight: Oh, try me.
Pam: Jim, just don't think of it as degrading. Think of it as you happen to be moving the pizza six inches this way, and he happens to be biting it.
Dwight: I'd prefer for him to think of it as degrading.
Jim: Okay.
Dwight: Crust first. Okay. Now the beer. Beer me, Jim. Ssssss. Gentle. Mmm, mmm. Now I've got to go meet Angela.
Pam: What? No, wait. You said you were gonna help us.
Dwight: I have a legal obligation to Angela, okay? She needs to be serviced.
Pam: Oh, God.
Jim: You need to stop talking.
Dwight: Oh, come on. Can we stop the fake prissy act? Join the real world. Sex contracts exist, okay?
Pam: Okay, fine, there must be some way to get out of it, even just for tonight.
Dwight: Yeah, sure. Jim can go see her.
Jim: Okay.
Dwight: You've been with a blonde before? It's the big leagues.
Jim: I'm going home, and I'm taking my baby.
Pam: No, no, don't. I will go talk to Angela.
Dwight: She is in heat. She will eat your face off.
Pam: The reverse cycling ends tonight.
Dwight: A single piece of pepperoni, please.
Jim: I'm not...
Dwight: What are you doing?
Kevin: I wanted to eat a pig in a blanket in a blanket.
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