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For the episode, see Two Weeks.
See also: Full transcript on transcripts.foreverdreaming.org
Jim: About a week ago, Michael gave his 2-week notice. And, surprisingly there is a very big difference between Michael trying and Michael not trying.

Kevin: Michael is that scotch?
Michael: Scotch with Splenda. Tastes like Splenda, gets you drunk like scotch.

Stanley: Maybe you should go into your office, close the door, and make some calls about jobs?
Michael: I have a job.
Andy: For four more days.
Pam: Do you have any leads on a job?
Michael: Pam, what you don't understand is that at my level you just don't look in the want-ads for a job. You are head-hunted.
Jim: You called any headhunters?
Michael: Any good headhunter knows I am available.
Dwight: Any really good headhunter would storm your village at sunset with overwhelming force and cut off your head with a ceremonial knife,
Jim: Right, cause that's what we are talking about.
Charles: Uh, I need you to go over this client list and indicate any wrong or false data.
Michael: You're ‘I need you to' is my command.
Charles: Okay.

Charles: For regional manager I've decided to go with an outside hire. For obvious reasons.

Dwight: Deutsch... let me see here. That is either an incense dispenser, or a ceremonial sarcophagus.
Pam: Hmm...
Dwight: My German is pre-industrial and mostly religious.

Charles: I am aware of the effect I have on women.

Kevin: I always thought Michael got a bad rap. He's a good guy. And he's super funny. Yeah, maybe I should tell him before he goes. He's all the way over there.

Andy: The whole office feels darker, you know? It's just a sad dark day.
Phyllis: Andy He's gone.
Andy: I know.
Phyllis: You don't have to kiss his ass anymore.

Toby: Michael is like a movie on a plane. You know, it's not great, but it's something to watch. And when it's over you're like... how much time is left on this flight? Now what?
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