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Training Quotes

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See episode: Training.

[David is singing a song he wrote]

David Brent: [singing] Little while later I see a cowboy crying, I said, "Hey buddy, what can I do?" He says, "I lived a good life, had about a thousand women." I said "Why the tears?", he says "'cause none of them was you."

Tim Canterbury: What, you?

David: No, he's looking at a photograph.

Tim: Of you?

David: No, of his girlfriend. The video would have shown it.

Tim: Sorry. It just sounds a bit gay.

David: It's not gay!

Rowan: I'm gonna play a very bad hotel manager who just doesn't care, and...

David: Sorry, if it's a Basil Fawlty type character, well, er, maybe I should do it, just for the comedy.

Rowan: Let me play it, just to kick things off.

David: Yeah, well I'll probably bring something to this role anyway.

David: I'd like to make a complaint please

Rowan: Don't care

David: Well I am staying at the hotel...

Rowan: Don't care, it's not my shift

David: Well you're an ambassador for the hotel...

Rowan: I don't care

David: I think you'll care when I tell you what the complaint is...

Rowan: I don't ca...

David: I think there's been a rape up there.

[everyone watches, shocked; Gareth jots down notes]

David: ...I got his attention. Get their attention.

Rowan: Hello, I'd wish to make a complaint.

David: Not interested.

Rowan: My room is an absolute disgrace, the bathroom doesn't appear to have been cleaned.

David: What room are you in?

Rowan: 362

David: There is no 362 in this hotel... sometimes the complaints will be false.

Rowan: Gareth, quick trust exercise, ultimate fantasy?

Gareth Keenan: Hmm?

David: We're just doing the ultimate fantasy, we're all doing it.

Gareth: Two lesbians probably, sisters. I'm just watching.

Rowan: OK. Erm. Tim? Do you have one?

Tim: I'd never thought I'd say this, but can I hear more from Gareth please?

Gareth: All farmers have wives.

Tim: This one doesn't, he's gay.

Gareth: Well, then, he shouldn't be allowed near animals should he?

David: A postage stamp is legal tender. A bus driver would have to accept that as currency.

Tim: Yeah. That'd happen!

David: Well if he doesn't, report him.

Tim: Yeah report him when I'm walking home.

Gareth: Get a taxi if you've got enough stamps.

Dawn: Or cash them in at a post office.

David: Shouldn't have to! Shouldn't have to

David: We’re both good in our own fields. I’m sure Texas couldn’t run and manage a successful paper merchants. I couldn’t do what-, well, I could do what they do, and I think they knew that, even back then. Probably what spurred them on.

Dawn: He proposed on a Valentine’s day, although he didn’t do it face to face, he did it in one of the little Valentine message bits in the paper. I think he had to pay for it by the word, because it just said ‘Lee love Dawn, marriage?’ which, you know I like, because it’s not often you get something that’s both romantic and thrifty.

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