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- See episode: Training.
[David is singing a song he wrote]
David Brent: [singing] Little while later I see a cowboy crying, I said, "Hey buddy, what can I do?" He says, "I lived a good life, had about a thousand women." I said "Why the tears?", he says "'cause none of them was you."
Tim Canterbury: What, you?
David: No, he's looking at a photograph.
Tim: Of you?
David: No, of his girlfriend. The video would have shown it.
Tim: Sorry. It just sounds a bit gay.
David: It's not gay!
Rowan: I'm gonna play a very bad hotel manager who just doesn't care, and...
David: Sorry, if it's a Basil Fawlty type character, well, er, maybe I should do it, just for the comedy.
Rowan: Let me play it, just to kick things off.
David: Yeah, well I'll probably bring something to this role anyway.
David: I'd like to make a complaint please
Rowan: Don't care
David: Well I am staying at the hotel...
Rowan: Don't care, it's not my shift
David: Well you're an ambassador for the hotel...
Rowan: I don't care
David: I think you'll care when I tell you what the complaint is...
Rowan: I don't ca...
David: I think there's been a rape up there.
[everyone watches, shocked; Gareth jots down notes]
David: ...I got his attention. Get their attention.
Rowan: Hello, I'd wish to make a complaint.
David: Not interested.
Rowan: My room is an absolute disgrace, the bathroom doesn't appear to have been cleaned.
David: What room are you in?
David: There is no 362 in this hotel... sometimes the complaints will be false.
Rowan: Gareth, quick trust exercise, ultimate fantasy?
Gareth Keenan: Hmm?
David: We're just doing the ultimate fantasy, we're all doing it.
Gareth: Two lesbians probably, sisters. I'm just watching.
Rowan: OK. Erm. Tim? Do you have one?
Tim: I'd never thought I'd say this, but can I hear more from Gareth please?
Gareth: All farmers have wives.
Tim: This one doesn't, he's gay.
Gareth: Well, then, he shouldn't be allowed near animals should he?
David: A postage stamp is legal tender. A bus driver would have to accept that as currency.
Tim: Yeah. That'd happen!
David: Well if he doesn't, report him.
Tim: Yeah report him when I'm walking home.
Gareth: Get a taxi if you've got enough stamps.
Dawn: Or cash them in at a post office.
David: Shouldn't have to! Shouldn't have to
David: We’re both good in our own fields. I’m sure Texas couldn’t run and manage a successful paper merchants. I couldn’t do what-, well, I could do what they do, and I think they knew that, even back then. Probably what spurred them on.
Dawn: He proposed on a Valentine’s day, although he didn’t do it face to face, he did it in one of the little Valentine message bits in the paper. I think he had to pay for it by the word, because it just said ‘Lee love Dawn, marriage?’ which, you know I like, because it’s not often you get something that’s both romantic and thrifty.