- For the episode, see The Cover-Up.
- See also: Full transcript on transcripts.foreverdreaming.org
- Dwight: You're talking about me in Morse Code. Well, you know what? Joke's on you 'cause I know Morse Code. Ha!
- Jim: [chuckles] Yeah. That's what we're doing. In our very limited free time and with our very limited budget, we went and got a nanny and then we went out and took a class on a very outmoded and very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you.
- Jim: Yup. That's exactly what we did.
- Pam: It all started when Dwight was tapping his foot against the leg of his desk. When I asked him to stop, he said, “I will when you lose the baby weight.”
- Ryan: Does she keep her phone locked around you, Michael? Does she watch how much she drinks around you, Michael?
- Ryan: Does she leave the room when she takes phone calls? Does she keep perfume in her purse? Does she shower before sex? Does she shower after sex? Does she...
- Michael: Yeah, she does all that.
- Ryan: Sorry, dude.
- Andy: [in old Michael Scott Paper Company's "office"] We're printing on 24-pound premium stock paper, approximately 300 sheets in. So far, no signs of distress. [Darryl is filming Andy's demonstration]
- Darryl: You haven't even introduced yourself.
- Andy: Right. My name is Andrew Baines Bernard, and if you're watching this, it's because I've turned State's witness because I'm in danger because I know too much.
- Darryl: You should talk in a higher voice 'cause the camera makes you sound weird.
- Andy: Higher? Okay. [speaking slightly higher] Recently certain events have come to my attention...
- Darryl: Higher. [motions with hand to go up more]
- Andy: Make it higher? Okay.
- Darryl: Mm-hmm
- Andy: [high-pitched] I have come to the conclusion that the Sabre corporation...
- Darryl: One more, yeah. [Again motions to go even higher]
- Andy: [higher] May be overlooking certain safety regulations. At the danger... [printer starts smoking and explodes] ah! [speaking lower] It's smoking. [in normal voice] It's smo... I knew it!
- Darryl: This... [removes camera headset]
- Andy: We are blowin' the roof off! Blowin' the roof off! [Darryl discharges fire extinguisher onto printer] Nice. Nice. This is my partner, Darryl Philbin. He's been my partner through this entire thing.
- Darryl: I don't wanna prank anymore. Things get real. It's not funny. I'm just gonna be good, stay in my room, go to church, try to do one nice thing per day. I do not wanna prank anymore.
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