Dunderpedia: The Office Wiki
Register
Advertisement
For the episode, see Survivor Man.
See also: Full transcript on transcripts.foreverdreaming.org
Toby: Ryan invited me to go on his wilderness adventure retreat. It was this amazing, beautiful experience [Michael knocks on the window behind Toby from outside]
Michael: [From outside] Hey, nobody cares. Nobody cares. I need that room at some point, so just, wrap it up.
Toby: Michael wasn't invited.

Dwight: I keep various weaponries strategically placed around the office. I saved Jim's life with a can of pepper spray I had Velcroed under my desk. People say, "Oh, it's dangerous to keep weapons in the home or the work place." Well I say, "It's better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally, than by a stranger on purpose."

Michael: Now in this case, this disaster is a serial killer, creepy guy who's abducted me and is taking me out into the wilderness to leave me for dead.
Dwight: No, I would never leave you for dead. You would never escape.
Michael: Well yes, I would and I would survive.
Dwight: I would make sure that you were dead. Believe me.
Michael: No.
Dwight: Then I would remove your teeth and cut off your fingertips so you could not be identified. And they would call me "The Overkill Killer."
Michael: You—you are—you are as creepy as a real serial killer. For real.

Creed: I hate devil's food.
Jim: Well I think Meredith was just —
Creed: Screw Meredith, I don't think it's fair to let someone else pick the cake on my birthday.
Jim: Everybody's birthday.
Creed: Today is actually my birthday and I want to pick the cake.
Jim: What do you want?
Creed: I want pie. I want peach pie.
Jim: You want a birthday pie?
Creed: I want a nice cobbler.
Jim: Well, I'm gonna to talk to Angela and we're gonna see what we can do about a pie.
Creed: I don't care who you talk to. Just make it happen.
Jim: It will be Angela.
Creed: You tell her it's for Creed. She'll know what that means.

Dwight: I lied to Michael. I said that I would leave him alone, but I will not. I will remain close by to provide unseen moral support, but I will never help him. I will let harm befall him. I will even let him die. But I will never let him lose his dignity.

Michael: I wish I could've gone with Ryan on that cool retreat! Jan has plastic boobs! I...have...hemorrhoids!

Stanley: I took an extra shot of insulin in preparation for this cake today. If I don't have some cake soon, I might die.
Oscar: Why don't you just have an apple?
Stanley: Why don't you mind your business?

Jim: Well, I don't think I'll be here in ten years.
Michael: That's what I said. That's what she said.
Jim: That's what who said?
Michael: I never know. I just say it. I say stuff like that, you know, to lighten the tension. When things sort of get hard.
Jim: That's what she said.
Michael: Hey! Nice. Really good. Bravo, my young ward.
Advertisement