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- Holly: Michael, I have been dating A.J. for a year and a half now. You do this, you know.
- Michael: Do what?
- Holly: You romanticize things.
- Michael: I don't romanticize th...No...
- Holly: Michael, you cried at that tagline for a movie you made up.
- Michael: "He had no arms or legs. He couldn't hear, see, or speak. This is how he led a nation."
- Andy: Okay, in that case, I will now show you how to put this condom on...using this pencil. What?
- Oscar: Why would you choose a pencil, Andy?
- Andy: Well, I'm not gonna use my penis, Oscar! It's not exactly hard right now anyway.
- Meredith: Come on, give it a rest, pencil dick.