- For the episode, see Secretary's Day.
- See also: Full transcript on transcripts.foreverdreaming.org
[Andy, Angela, Phyllis, Ryan and Kelly watch a video on Oscar's computer of the Cookie Monster from Sesame Street]
- Cookie Monster: [Kevin's voice] Oscar, Toby said he left my Girl Scout cookies on my chair. Have you seen them? Wait I'm sitting on them. [all laugh]
- Andy: This is awesome!
- Oscar: Thank you. It didn't even take that long.
- Cookie Monster: [Kevin's voice] What's the difference between a chimichanga, a chalupa, and a tostada? Call me back ASAP. It's urgent.
- Kevin: This isn't funny. I don't talk like that.
- Phyllis: Say "Me eat cookie."
- Kevin: No. I won't say it.
- Dwight: Why is everyone clumped around accounting? Break it up, you clique.
- Ryan: It's Kevin as Cookie Monster from Sesame Street.
- Dwight: Is that the program where all those puppets live in the barrio?
- Phyllis: Mm-hmm.
- Dwight: I love that show.
- Cookie Monster: [Kevin's voice] This is Kevin. This is Kevin.
- Ryan: Good work, buddy.
- Oscar: Thank you.
- Dwight: That is an amusing link. I'd like it sent to me, please.
- Oscar: Yes.
- Kelly: Me, too Oscar.
- Ryan: C.C. me.
- Kevin: Angela, this is inappropriate.
- Angela: This is my favorite day.
- Jim: (Imitating Kevin Malone/Cookie Monster) Michael, can I have an advance on my paycheck because of Ms. Feld Cookie just opened up at the mall? Sorry, Gabe, but that show hasn't been on in many cookies.
- Pam: Ooh. Ah-ah-ah. Ha-ha.
- Jim: What's up?
- Dwight: Her milk is coming in. She's getting uncomfortable.
- Jim: Dwight, don't be gross.
- Pam: No, no, he's right.
- Dwight: Same thing happens with my cows if I don't tend them frequently enough. You gotta milk them, or else they'll moo like crazy.
- Pam: That's weird, my breast pump is missing. Have you seen my breast pump?
- Dwight: [removes jacket, applies hand sanitizer] All right, this is gonna traumatize me a hell of a lot more than you, believe me.
- Pam: You know what, Dwight? Let me just check the bathroom first. Okay?
- Dwight: Really? Fine. Let your breasts explode. Three squeezes and I would drain you.
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