- For the episode, see Safety Training.
- See also: Full transcript on transcripts.foreverdreaming.org
- Dwight: Yes, I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. Which I'm looking forward to. It's an Amish technique. It's like slapping someone with silence. I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday... for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.
- Darryl: We do safety training every year or after an accident. We've never made it a full year. This particular time, I was reaching for a supply box on the top shelf, when one office worker, who shall...remain nameless, kicked the ladder out from under me and yelled...
- Michael: "Hey, Darrell, how's it hangin'?"
- Darryl: ...and I fell and busted my ankle. I'm legitimately scared for my workers.
- Pam: Jim wins!
- Kevin: That is not fair. He has spent hours up here at reception, with you. Hours and hours!
- Karen: I don't know this place as well as I thought I did. I'm getting cleaned out!
- Michael: My life!
- Dwight: Michael, what's wrong?
- Michael: Everything! The stress...of my modern office...has caused me to go into a depression!
- Dwight: "Depression"? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out?
- Michael: Dwight, you ignorant slut!
- Michael: My life!
- Dwight: Michael, what's wrong?
- Michael: Everything is wrong, Dwight! The stress of my modern office...has made me depressed!
- Dwight: "Depressed"? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out?
- Michael: Dwight, you ignorant slut!
- Jim: Well, you know, the first performance was a little off, but I really think they hit their stride in the second show. Might even bring my parents tomorrow, to the...matinee.
- Pam: Oh, God...oh my God, he's gonna jump!
- Jim: Oh...he's going to kill himself pretending to kill himself!
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