- For the episode, see Happy Hour.
- See also: Full transcript on transcripts.foreverdreaming.org
- Kevin: Well when a new mom, hears a baby cry, her you-know-whats fill up with you-know-what? And then her shirt gets... you know. [giggles to himself] That would be funny!
- Julie: I was a little nervous when Pam told me he was her boss, but he doesn't act like a boss at all. If I had a boss like that, we'd never get anything done.
- Michael: Hi, I'm Date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning? [tries to wink]
- Michael: I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.
- Dwight: Angela versus Isabelle. Height, advantage Isabelle. Birthing hips, advantage Isabelle. Remaining childbearing years, advantage Isabelle. Legal obligation, advantage Angela.
- Erin: [falsely to Andy to hide their relationship] Talk to me that way again, and I'll cut your face off!
- Andy: We just have to throw everyone off the scent, a little. So... follow my lead. [finds a seat next to a stranger] I don't normally do this but--
- Woman: What?
- Andy: Just sit down next to a beautiful woman and just start talking to myself to confuse other people?
- Erin: [to a random man] Hey Big Boy. [rubs his leg] Do you like it when I do that?
- Andy: [Andy spits out his drink] What are you doing!
- Erin: What we said to do.
- Andy: We didn't say we were gonna like, start groping strangers!
- Erin: I was flirting with a man!
- Andy: Get in here. [pushed Erin into a photo booth] Where did you learn to talk like that?
- Erin: Movies? I dunno.
- Andy: What movie! Black Snake Moan?
- Darryl: Tell 'em your story, Hide.
- Hide: In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But, mistake! Yakuza boss die. Yakuza very mad. I hide in fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car, and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret: I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!
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